Mommy's Dictionary: Trouble

trou⋅ble [truhb-uhl]
verb, -bled, -bling, noun
–verb (used with object)

Definition:

Accepting Work

Todd? He is definitely a different child than his sister. Unlike Hayley, Todd LOVES the camera. And the camera loves Todd. In fact it's hard for me to get any "spontaneous" shots of Todd because the second he sees the camera lens, he starts posing and "flirting" with the camera. His favorite pose is the "open mouth" pose.

Here is Todd's modeling portfolio so far:

The picture Todd sent to Little Tykes in the hope of becoming the spokesbaby for their ball pit products.
The picture Todd sent to Gerber. He calls this the "If I eat one more bite of that delicious baby food I'll pop" shot.
The picture Todd sent in for the "Dracula Baby" movie audition.
Here's the picture Todd sent to Johnson and Johnson. This one he calls the "I'm clean, naked, and refreshed" shot.
Todd's hoping to pick up a St. Patrick's Day advertisement with this shot.
And then this morning, Todd knocked over his new ball popper toy only to discover that it created the perfect wind machine to blow his long, luscious locks. We'll definitely be adding these to the "sexy" section of his portfolio. He's thinking this "look" would be best suited to a baby cologne company or perhaps a diaper manufacturer.

Looking deep and seductive
And of course, the trademark "Open Mouth" pose

Todd's Paternity

Yes, I'm well aware that it definitely is not in question. But at last, I have proof that he is mine too. I mean, if he looks this good in blue and orange, he must be mine!

Feliz Navidad

We've had such a busy past few weeks preparing for Christmas, that I haven't had much time to blog. Hayley has been REALLY into Christmas songs though and I think a lot of her interest had to do with the Christmas program her preschool put on a week ago. This was the program that Hayley spent 75% of the program with her dress over her head. (It definitely deserves a spot at the front of my "Proudest Moments in Parenting" book.) Perhaps I've mentioned before... at the ripe age of two and a half, Hayley knows everything and you can't tell her any different. Hayley did a super job learning the words to Frosty the Snowman for her Christmas program, except this Frosty has two eyes made out of CORN. Not coal. Because Hayley says so.

Hayley also took a liking to the Christmas song Feliz Navidad. Her lyrics go like this:

Feliz Navidad
Feliz Navidad
Feliz Navidad
Prospero Ano y YUMMY TODD.

And then there has been Simon. I'll preface this by saying that Brian and I have never been ones for pretend, make believe, fairytales, etc. Even when we were children, we were both realists and couldn't buy into most of the fad books, movies and toys. We've both agreed that most likely neither of us would have had anything to do with Harry Potter or the new Twilight. I mean, come on... wizards and vampires?? Much too unrealistic. So I guess we were thinking that perhaps two realists would cancel each other out and our offspring would be a dreamer. Well, that philosophy is out the window now. After hearing all our friends rave about the behavior success they've had with the Elf on the Shelf, we bought the creepy little guy. The "Elf" comes with a storybook and the premise is that each night while the kids are sleeping the elf flies back to Santa at the North Pole and reports on each child's behavior. The hope is that children will be on their best behavior because they know the elf is watching. And I note, our friends have all had WILD success with the "Elf." But we should've known, a measly elf is no match for a Hurricane.

Shortly after Thanksgiving we placed our elf in Hayley's room and settled into bed to read the story. She immediately noticed the elf. She was pretty suspicious of the elf but listened to the story. When we got to the point in the book that explained how the elf would fly to Santa and report on her behavior, Hayley broke out into tears and kept yelling, "Take em, I don't want da elf." It took several days, but eventually Hayley became okay with the fact that "elf" was around and she even named him Simon. She was NOT intimidated by Simon however and despite our rules that she must not touch Simon or he'd lose his magic, I'm pretty sure she must have pulled Simon aside and let him know how things were gonna go. You see, Hayley was not the least concerned that Simon was going to actually give Santa a bad report. For awhile we chalked it up to short-term, two year old, memory. Last Sunday, we learned the real reason why she didn't feel the need to be on her best behavior around Simon. As we were getting Hayley ready for bed and saying our goodnights, Brian told Hayley to say goodnight to Simon. She looked at him, pointed at him, and said, "Simon... he just a toy." Ah, the magic of Christmas.

We're really not quite sure that Hayley even grasps the whole Santa concept yet. She does seem to understand that it is Baby Jesus' birthday and she thinks that last night's Christmas Eve service was his birthday party (which explains why she saw no need to be quiet... it's a celebration, right?) She was very happy to see her tricycle under the tree this morning and is adamant that it is not for Todd. And Todd seems very happy with his new race track. Simon must have told Santa good stuff!

Merry Christmas From The Roberts

The Roberts would like to wish all our blog readers a special Merry Christmas! (Yes, we probably need to find a hobby!)

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

And for Brian's kin, a special Merry Christmas!

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Prison Break

Look who recently escaped from a North Pole prison!

There Should be a Warning Label on Fruit

Today, I earned the "Embarassed to Tears" badge for my Mommy vest. Seeing as how the birth of Todd coincided with Hayley turning two, I've been racking up badges at an alarming pace in the past nine months. Unfortunately for me, today's award ceremony took the cake. We were sitting in the chiropractor's waiting room (because with Todd's reflux I'm trying everything imaginable to reduce the number of "I Got Spit Up On" badges I receive each day). Hayley was sitting in the umbrella stroller, innocently playing with a puzzle, until... the bodily functions of a two year old took over. At first, I though a Blackhawk was landing on the roof (boy, wouldn't that have been a relief). Finally, the "helicopter" landed. And in case there was any doubt of what had just occurred, my little darling said, "eh-cuse me." Because otherwise she would be impolite. Of course I had Todd strapped to me in the Baby Bjorn so I was unable to crawl under the nearest chair. Despite that every person's eyes in the VERY crowded waiting room were practically bugging out of their heads, I pretended to play it cool, like I hadn't heard anything. Perhaps in about ten years I'll be able to unpack my dignity from the little box in my drawer where it's been stuffed for the past two and a half years.

Note to self: Apparently there is a downside to feeding your child a diet that consists of lots of raw fruits and vegetables.

So long phlegm

For what I hope to be an unfleeting moment, we are all well. Physically I mean. Mentally? Well, that would be asking for a little much. Hayley was the sickest I had ever seen her for several days, but by Thursday she seemed to be back to her usual, nap-skipping self. So we're back to the daily not so quiet, quiet time ritual. Lately, Hayley has been using quiet time as an opportunity to work on her singing skills. Friday I was serenaded with a top of her lungs concert consisting of Happy Birthday to You (because we had the "Christmas is Jesus' birthday discussion"), Twinkle, Twinkle, Old MacDonald, and Frosty the Snowman (because the girl has holiday spirit).

Lucky for me, while Hayley was sick Todd discovered the Christmas tree. So now I have a seven month old who is obsessed with pulling every ball off the lower half of the tree and I've also got a two year old who throws a fit if every ball is not on the lower half of the tree where "she" put it. If I hear Hayley scream, "Mommy, Todd broken the tree" one more time...

Speaking of Todd. I've been deeply troubled lately because for months now I've been wrestling with the prospect that my son may be choosing a lifestyle that I'm not entirely comfortable with. I'm afraid that I'm seeing increasing signs that Todd is... a nudist. For months I have been wrestling with this little boy over diaper changes. And it isn't the diaper removal that's the problem. It the re-diapering. It takes every ounce of physical strength that I have to get pants back on the boy and I'm going to have to start wearing ear plugs because I'm pretty sure that every dog in the neighborhood can hear him scream when he feels diaper up against his buns again. Just to set the record straight... he absolutely must have gotten this "preference" from his father's side of the family.

Condemned

Our residence that is. Because apparently it is unfit for "healthy" human existence. Unfortunately for us, it is the opposite of condemned for the lovely viruses that seem to have moved in and invited all their friends. I know I talked a good game, but I'm officially out of ammunition to use on those little terrorists that Hayley seems to repeatedly bring home from preschool.

An explanation? Somebody in this house has been sick since July. According to Chinese astrology, 2008 is "Year of the Rat." Apparently according to Roberts' astrology, 2008 is "Year of the Hack." In the last half of this year, Brian can attest to 2 sinus infections, shoulder surgery, and several assorted head colds. I can personally vouch for 1 case of tonsilitis (which included fever and required antibiotics... unheard of for me), numerous head colds, and a 3 week long coughing episode. Todd accounts for one phlegmy chest and goopy nose to boot. And our little germ vessel? Well, lets just say that her nose has been running non-stop since July. Her latest shenanigans caused us a trip to the pediatrician this morning which resulted in a negative flu test and dashed hope for a cure all antibiotic. In case you're wondering, all I really want for Christmas is for my house to be tented with Lysol.

And so once again I sit, drowning my worries in repeated glasses of Emergen C, cursing the immune system gods, and fighting off the "I have to run today" anxiety attacks that keep plaguing me. Oh yes, the thought of missed runs creates boat loads of stress for me, particularly now since I've committed to running the Sarasota Half Marathon in February. And although I must have been feverish and dilusional when I registered, I'm pretty sure delusions of grandeur isn't a defense to get my registration fee returned. It's okay, I'm secure enough in my cheapness to admit that it's pretty apparent that I'm a tight wad when it comes to money. I'd pretty much have to be on my death bed to walk away from the $65 registration fee. So I'm RUNNING. And I prefer to be well trained and not require CPR along the course route. And therefore, I'm getting really stressed about these constant illnesses! Wouldn't you know I end up with the kid that will eat anything she finds off the floor??!! I'm doomed!

I'm afraid the kids are starting to worry as well. I've secretly been catching them practicing their EMT skills. They must be worried they're gonna have to scoop Mommy up off the half marathon route.

Giving Thanks

We celebrated Thanksgiving with family this year, and spent the day pondering all the things we are thankful for.

Today, I turn 31. And this is why it has been deemed "Black Friday." However, I am thankful that I am not turning 35 like Brian did just last Wednesday. Despite being 35, Brian is just thankful that my cake tasted better than it looked. He is also thankful that I don't bake very often.

Of course, Brian and I are most thankful for our two beautiful babies. And I think they are pretty thankful that they have each other (most of the time).

Todd is also thankful for his Uncle David. He's thankful that he has such good looking genes in his lineage. Looks like "The Curse" will live on. Mommy is not so thankful for this.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!

There's Something About Honey

Just when I thought I couldn't get anymore unhip, uncool, and "parental"... I sink to a new level. I've spent the better part of the weekend trying to entertain a stuffed bear and make sure he feels included, loved, and part of our family. Sigh.

Meet Honey

Honey is the class pet at Hayley's school and this weekend we were the proud family that got to host Honey. Honey comes in a backpack with a journal in which we must write and illustrate our adventures with Honey. This journal is filled with photos of each of Hayley's classmates and their fun, exciting times with Honey. Each Thursday when I would pick Hayley up, I would see the glee on the chosen child's face as they ran to tell their mommy that THEY would be bringing Honey home for the weekend. Honey is truly a cherished class pet to all the children. Except Hayley. As I picked Hayley up on Thursday, Hayley ran to hug me. There was no mention of Honey until Hayley's teacher stopped me and informed me that Honey would be in our good care for the weekend. I got a little nervous... I wasn't prepared to entertain. When we arrived home, I asked Hayley if she would like to show Honey around. "No," she firmly replied. "Okay then, why don't you take some quiet time with Honey and you can show him the house after your nap." Hayley, Honey and I proceeded to Hayley's room where we read a book. As I began to leave the room, Hayley began to unravel, begging and pleading with me to "take Honey, jus take 'em." Clearly, Honey and Hayley were not bonded. I tried to talk Hayley into spending some naptime with Honey, but I know better. By now I'm well aware that if Hayley has her mind made up about something, she isn't going to be convinced otherwise, especially by me. This will change when she becomes a teenager, right? Uh, oh.

Friday I had some errands planned and asked Hayley to bring Honey with us. "No! Honey home." I picked Honey up and began to carry him with me towards the door when the meltdown ensued. "Nooooooo.... Honey HOME!!!!!!" And so, Honey and Chloe spent the day having a stare down. I'm pretty sure that Chloe isn't too fond of Honey either.

By Saturday, I managed to get Hayley to at least hold Honey so I could take some pictures. You see, I need these snapshots in order to journal (LIE) about all the fun Hayley and Honey had during our exciting weekend together.

And I still don't know why Hayley does not like Honey. She readily accepted Shamu into her fold. I can't let her near a stuffed animal at the store or she will insist it is "hers." Perhaps it's his wirey hair or his beedy little eyes, maybe Honey has a reputation and I'm just unaware. Poor Honey... I think he's ready to return to school.

Todd, Hayley, and Honey BEFORE Hayley threw Honey from the stroller

Hayley and Honey in the car... she was suddenly interested in trying to figure out how to roll down the window

Hayley, Honey and Todd... I'm pretty sure she's thinking about how fun it would be to find out if Honey could swim

Sea World

In the years since 9/11, it's been interesting to see "support our troops" become a buzz phrase. There are bumper stickers, magnets, tshirts, and all sorts of marketing gimicks galore. Most people and companies want to say they support our troops, but now, almost six years into what has become a somewhat unpopular war, it's become evidenced at least to me, that many political frustrations are being taken out on the people and their families who've given so much (if not everything) for our freedoms. I'll save my rants for another day because the point of this post is to express my admiration and thankfulness to a company who is putting their money where their mouth is in support of our troops. Anheuser-Busch has offered free admission to any of it's theme parks for active or reserve service members and three of their dependents. Brian, Hayley and I took the opportunity to take a trip to Orlando and visit Sea World this weekend and I was so incredibly impressed with the entire experience. We were greeted by Sea World ambassadors several times while in the park. They always asked if Brian was military (apparently he must have that "look") and each time the ambassadors were so gracious and thankful to all of us for "our" service.

Until it's your sibling, your spouse, your best friend, your parent... I just don't think that most Americans realize what military families are sacrificing until it closely affects their lives. And so for a huge corporation to forgo some potential profit to happily provide a day of enjoyment for those who have given so much... well, I just have a lot of admiration, respect and gratitude.
Hayley told us she was excited to see "sharks and dolphins"

She wasn't so sure about meeting a giant, stuffed Shamu

She got to pet a Clydesdale

She talked all day long about the sharks

But said they scared her (she clung to me after we exited the shark aquarium)

And Shamu hasn't left her side since we returned home! (Although we have had to convince her that Shamu does not need to go in the toilet for a drink of water)

Noooooooo!

He's 6 months!!!!! Isn't he too young for the whole beginning to walk thing????

Halloween 2008

I think I'm going to need a week to recover from all the Halloween festivities. On Thursday, Hayley had her Halloween celebration at preschool. The morning started with the Trunk or Treat parade for all the classes and I had volunteered my "trunk." I snapped these gems while we were waiting for the children to come out. Now I know why Sissy (Urban Cowboy) always wanted to find her a "real cowboy."


Finally, my cowgirl came by for a treat!

Hayley's 2 year old class

We then ventured inside for the actual Halloween party.

Earlier in the week, the children were each asked what they thought was in the pumpkin.

Hayley first decorated a cookie. This was her first experience with a cookie, or anything even close to an icing topped dessert. She didn't know what to do with it, so she face planted straight into the icing.

You can imagine her thrill when she was told she could EAT the entire cookie.

She then moved on to making slime.

Followed by some songs at circle time.

And then, what was supposed to be a "Mummy Wrap."

All the little "Sprouts!"

Halloween(Friday) morning we woke up for Hayley to help Daddy do some pumpkin carving.

And then we were off for a special Halloween Strollerfit class.

Followed by some Trick or Treating up and down Main Street.

Even Chloe got in on all the "cowdog" Halloween fun.

We then lit our Jack-O-Latern and settled in for a night of passing out candy.

Happy Halloween!